Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Emily Potter sings to your life dreams

Check out this video! 

I'm telling the story of what it was like in the first 18 months of my experiment living as a musician in a gift economy...




Saturday, October 15, 2016

What does a Dream Walk Concert with Emily Potter feel like?


I'm giving lots and lots of Dream Walk concerts when I come back to Utah this fall. Why should you make the effort to get a babysitter, schedule a month in advance and set an alarm on your phone to make sure you're there?

Well, your dream deserves it.

To further convince you, I thought you might enjoy hearing direct quotes from my audiences from the 14 countries I toured. See you soon!



(Photo credit: Joshua Sincerbeaux)


Friday, August 05, 2016

My $10,000 Landslide

During the first week of May, I asked the Universe for $10,000.

Let's now jump back 10 months ago to last autumn when I hit emotional and financial rock bottom in Central Park in New York City. I was scared out of my mind about how I would get through.  My stress level at times was about 9 out of 10. I used my tools, learned the power of joy, trust and gratitude, and breathed through it. 

I made a decision right after pulling out of that difficult time that I was done worrying about money, and I declared to the sky that I was ready to have abundance be my only story.


I have an update for you, fellow life adventurers. For the past 10 months I have been diligently holding to my word. I have worked very hard to follow a daily system of nourishing myself in a singular environment of abundance. It felt like I was actually changing the air I was breathing. Day and night, my new rich oxygen flowed through my blood to my brain, flooding every cell with the message of abundance. With respect to external opinions, polluted facts and every energy-draining reality around me, I determined to make no room for any voice saying anything besides abundance abundance abundance. Every day I listened to audios, read books, wrote in my dream book, and played prosperity games of all kinds.


It seems that I felt ready to test me out. What has occurred in my life in the last three months has made the challenging rock bottom events from last autumn seem like smelling roses.  The test started the very night I flew into Bucharest, Romania on May 1 when I accidentally dropped my laptop. $650 worth of computer repair later, I continued to receive news of unexpected expenses from other places, such as repairs from my house in Salt Lake City, Utah. Dollar signs kept slipping away from me like uprooted trees in a landslide. $824 sliding away over here, $587 sliding over there...Starting from May 1 until August 1, my life's landslide test has totaled about $10,000 of unexpected expenses.  This number does not even include my daily living, travel costs, accommodations, plane tickets, food, etc.  


It's a funny thing. I would not have been able to handle this financial pressure 10 months ago. I would have broken down. I might have quit the project. I am realizing now that because of the full, rich oxygen and nourishment I have given myself, my stress level has barely made a 2 out of 10. It lingers at about a 1.5.  This, my friends, is something I am celebrating today. I am not faking the peace and security I feel. Would it feel completely invalidating to you if I shared that stressing about money even feels a bit boring to me? I'm just so over it. Almost $10,000 of unexpected expenses in two months?! It's just too much, and it's just too ridiculous. How can an unknown dreamy-eyed musician with nothing but a suitcase and guitar, who's giving FREE performances around the world and who talks incessantly about your freaking dreams afford...REAL LIFE?


I have given myself no option besides being curious, being humored, and more than ever, just pressing on.  Because here's the thing: it's also just as ridiculous to witness how it's all panning out.


Money comes in right when I need it, in the most divine timing that you'd never even believe if I told you.  Every time, and with no exceptions. When another unexpected "scary" expense came in recently that totaled $1,530, I took it seriously, but it also felt almost endearing. Loud thunder at night just isn't scary anymore. Stressing about money is not a very fun way to experience the storm. I'm learning it takes time, patience and consistency to re-program the brain, but I am showing myself that it's possible. 

I'm sharing these details with you, especially if you are also giving your cells rich oxygenated air of abundance abundance abundance. It's useful for us to remind each other that our stories about stressing over money can be archived. 


As I navigate through my life dreams, I count on these three points being true.  

1. My dreams will always be too expensive.
2. There will always be unexpected expenses. 

And the third point is quite relevant for my personal $10,000 story.  The following video clip (1 minute, 35 seconds) was recorded during that same first week of May in Bucharest, Romania when this all began. In a light conversation documented by my sister, I humorously asked the Universe for $10,000. 
    




Ironically, instead of receiving that money, I have been paying that extra $10,000! I had colorful carnival lights go off everywhere as I started to write this blog article, realizing that I have spent the last three months learning this phenomenal third point.   

3. I can have an abundant, peaceful relationship with money, no matter whether it's coming or going. 


Good one, Universe, and wow how strange that your lesson was exactly to the dollar. I realize now that when I asked for that extra $10,000, what I was really asking for was the feelings of peace, security, and freedom that I felt money brings.  The Universe answered my request fully, teaching me that money itself will never be able to give those feelings to me. 

I give those to me.


If you're considering a new relationship with money, I support you in knowing you can have it. I have quite a bit to learn as I make my way to the next level of my relationship with money. 

(Hmmm..what new money games shall I play?) 

For now, I'm basking in financial peace, $10,000 worth.



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One of my money games is to receive $1,000 a month from patrons who believe in my international "Dream Walk" project.
Become a patron by pledging $5 a month.
Your gift allows me to give FREE performances around the world.  
Learn more at www.themillionkisses.org 
And THANK YOU for walking this journey with me. 

Friday, May 13, 2016

As I climbed in bed, I welcomed my failures under the covers with me.

Yesterday I looked in a mirror. 

"I failed," I said.  

I didn't say it from an all-encompassing, victimized stance. I don't use that word synonymously with worthless or loser.  In significant ways, I am a tremendous success beyond my own comprehension.  Today, however, I definitely want to highlight the failures, because I have some good ones. I will keep it general, as your story might be similar. 

So far, dream #1 has taken 15 devoted years of my life. Dream #2 has required 5 years, and dream #3 has four under its belt. 

These dreams have not been just sitting on my shelf untouched.  They receive daily nourishment, love, work, focus, excitement, trust and gratitude. I daily let expectations go.  For the majority of the time, I live in that sweet spot where I skip down the sidewalk knowing the fulfillment of these dreams are just around the corner, and so I'm enjoying the sun, the shops, and life's occasional ice cream cone so much that I don't care that I haven't reached that corner yet. But after all these years, I still haven't reached the corner.  None of them are manifested. In fact, I am no closer today to reaching that corner and fulfilling these three particular dreams than when I first started dreaming them into existence.

Two weeks ago, I experienced bitterness. I recognized the bitterness was really knocking on my door when a friend sent me an email with the subject line that read, "Which Fairy Are You?" The email held a series of pictures. There were fairies with wands, lily pads, moons, wings...  My friend's sweet magical invitation was to choose the one with whom I most resonated and share why.  She sent it three weeks ago, and all those fairies I could choose from sat in a butterfly net in my inbox, unreleased. I recognized my bitterness was not only visiting, but was ready to move in when in a moment of impulsivity last week, dream #2 felt so impossible to ever ever ever come true that I made a counter-decision against it that spewed all manner of faithlessness and hopelessness all over my dream's wings.

And that's the one I saw in my eyes when I looked in the mirror last night. A integral fairy surrounding dream #2 died yesterday.

I know why this is surfacing. Germany has called me back. Germany, the scene of my life's biggest faith game. It is the place where I attempted to meet Giovanni, the man I had been telepathically in touch with, and in love with, for 12 years. My close friends and family know my cosmic, multi-dimensional love story well.  Giovanni and I had never met in person.  We communicated only through constant vivid dreams and conversations that were as real as a phone call. But there were no phone calls between us.  No texting, no Facebook. I relied solely on my heart's internal navigation system that was fully activated, and that my innate hardware was trustworthy. Four and a half years ago, Giovanni and I decided to meet in Germany, and to be married. I got on a plane, allowing no particle of doubt to even touch the soles of my shoes. I showed up with my whole family.  I showed up with a wedding dress in my suitcase. I showed up financially, paying for a honeymoon in a luxury castle hotel.  I reserved a wedding banquet for his family and mine.  But he didn't show up. And absolutely nothing else happened.  A friend took photos of me in my wedding dress in the castle. Then I got back on a plane and came home. 

It took months to get over the shock of what I had done. (Did you know only fools and crazy people pack wedding dresses in their suitcases and fly to Europe to marry a man they have only met in a dream?) I cried from deep places I had never known. As I wipe my tears through these years, I still cannot deny my experience, and I regret nothing. I am very proud of myself for showing up for love. I'm even more proud of myself that after that day, I keep believing in miracles and magic, and big, impossible dreams. Truthfully, I give myself no other choice. Soon after returning from Germany, I bravely picked up the pieces of myself and learned to love again. But instead of a fairy tale ending with this new (and three dimensional living-on-the-planet man), life asked me to move on from him too.

How I know heartbreak intimately.

The events in Germany happened four and a half years ago. I have absolutely no resolve, and no feeling of completion about what transpired. For my personal creative outlet, I wrote an album, and created music videos. I took one last step in order to reach the deepest level of myself I could attain. It may not seem vulnerable to the general public, but I allowed an intimate photo of me standing alone in my wedding dress to become the album cover. When all my art was done, I swept up the thousands of leftover question marks, and put them in a box in the back of my basement. And I quietly moved on.




I had no plan of going back to Germany during this European tour. I sort of threw a rock on Germany's square and wanted to play hopscotch right over it. But what a surprise...a trail of the Universe's love notes led me right to the heart of the wound, and I have replied to the call to heal with a shaky, tearful YES. I will be there for three weeks in August. The very day that Germany called, I immediately felt the box in my basement start to rumble. I was trembling. Panic, anger, wanting to close down or run away, distrust of big magic, and lots and lots of bitterness. Even writing this right now creates a well of tears. 

I have dedicated my life to big dreamers. You are ridiculous to dream so big. You are a foolish bunch. And you are the bravest people on the planet. We need you. We need your vision to knock us out of boxes. We need you to teach us that impossible can be possible.  You are the ones I wake up in the morning to meet. 

And I love you most, because you have a healthy relationship with failure. You know exhaling in failure is as necessary to breathing as the inhalations of your success. So you breathe out just as much as you breathe in. Your story never ends in a quicksand of suffocating failure. But big dreamers, I get that you aren't always so strong to remember this.  So if today you are looking in your mirror, and your failures are staring back at you and they are making you very sad, you are the reason why I am writing today. 

As I climbed into bed last night, I welcomed my failure under the covers with me. I held her in my arms, closed my eyes and I listened to her.  Emily, as a failure.

"Tell me everything," I said. She gave me evidence after evidence of herself.

"Tell me even more," I said.

She did, and she started to cry.

"You are really sad and hurt," I said. She nodded.

"And you're angry.  You're angry at the faith and magic that has produced nothing. It feels like faith has betrayed you. You constantly give everything you have, and you won't let yourself live any other way. You still believe in magic, after all these years." She hid her face. I continued,

"But you are angry. All those signs that led you along the way. All the time, money, energy, and faith, you still have failed to fulfill your dreams." I placed my hands on my heart. It was hurting. 

"I love you, failure," I said, "I embrace you. I won't try to change you or make anything better. You can just lay here with me tonight."  My heart opened wider. I felt rest. I asked,

"Do you still want dreams 1, 2 and 3?" I felt the deep-rooted YES. On the surface, I felt wounded to think about them. My eyes felt tired, my body felt limp.  

"Ok," I said, "Then I guess we're not done yet. I am committed to go the distance, but only when we're ready. Here's the vision. This bitterness will transmute fully into love. Failure will transform fully into success. It's not over until we win. But, let's rest for now."

Big dreamers, I would ask you to be kind to the failures living inside you. Give yourself permission to embrace them and pull them closer.  If you dream big, you must let yourself fail as many times as needed for you to succeed.  Create a healthy, sustainable, nurturing relationship with yourself as a failure. Love your failure like a toddling child, like an untrained puppy. Failure embodies the keys for your greatest joy.  

It's my birthday on Monday. I have failed to uphold a seven year plan that I created for myself seven years ago. I tried, but my life looks nothing like that plan. I am relieved to not try to hide from that truth. It's just... true. Failure ripples from some good core places in my life. Now that that's acknowledged, I'd like to explore where all those ripples are coming from.  What is the source of all this failure?  

Look there, in that body of water. It's a most magnificent sight. There I am, flapping, kicking, splashing, making waves and lots of chaos.... I am learning to swim in bigger waters now, and the ripples are making a mess of everything. Every day that I don't give up, I am accomplishing things that I didn't even dream of writing in that original seven year plan. 

So...I'm inviting everyone to my birthday party. All my successes, my deep exhaustion, my relentless faith. Everyone gets an ice cream cone. Everyone gets to be cozy under the covers. 

I'll save the softest pillows for failures.
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If you feel inspired by my international dream-making efforts, consider becoming a monthly patron. Your support currently allows me to sing in post-communist Romania, where I get to support people who once had their freedoms taken away to now dream bigger than ever. 

Become a patron HERE  And thank you for your gift! 

Saturday, April 23, 2016

"The work of mothers is the quiet work of our society that goes unseen."


Interview with Joy Harper, Mother and Doula
I'm inspired by this woman. She lives a conscious, confident, and brilliant life every day in Somerville, Massachusetts. Because of her commitment in providing a true and loving community for mothers, Joy provides some of her professional services within a gift economy model, which sparked our interest in interviewing her. She speaks her truth, and she is really listening when you speak yours. She's living her dream. I thought you'd all like to meet Joy Harper.
1.What dream has come true in your life?
This is going to sound crazy but being a wife and mother and having a family.
Joy with her husband, Morgan

2.How long have you had this dream?
Since childhood.  I have always wanted to be a mother.  I thought it was the most important role in the world.  But that was just the thumb nail of my dream.  My dream was to be a mother, connect with other mothers and support and nurture moms as well.  To remind myself and others, that we are all doing it so well.

3. What was the biggest fear you had to overcome in pursuing this dream?
That it will not pay my bills.  It will not support my student loan or my retirement.

4. What is something you had to sacrifice or give up for this dream to come true?
Not having this dream near my sisters, mother or father (at least not yet).  I had to move in order to be a part of a beautiful birth community and live in a community my husband would be happy with.  So that meant moving across the country when I finally just followed my heart and gut, and I found myself in Somerville MA.

5. What is one of the greatest rewards of living this dream?
Connecting, connecting, connecting.  The connections are not always grand or deep, but they are there like little sprouts. Some grow and other's remain small and even disappear.  Seeing new moms, or even seasoned moms work to figure out the best way to navigate the day to day for the family; that is the quiet work of our society that goes unseen and has the most impact in our communities.  Families- me, my husband and our friends are the cornerstore of every community.

6. Tell us a story about a moment, an individual, a scene that you experienced that has brought you joy in this dream.
I was able to witness my good friend's home birth of her daughter.  That was amazing and beautiful.  Actually, just to be invited into someone's home and witness them on an ordinary day or maybe their worst day is a gift.

7. What advice or counsel would you give others who are currently pursuing a similar dream? Or any dream?
Wow!  Crazy question! First, I remind people that it is right to feel scared, taking a step that is just out of grasp feels risky because it is. However, I found that when I was not honoring my vision, my goals, my dreams, life because increasingly more uncomfortable and complicated.  I venture to say, that it is easier to live your dream than to not.

8. What’s the future vision for this dream? Where are you taking it next? What about in 5-10 years?
I cannot believe you asked this question.  I have been wrestling with this thought for the last couple of weeks.  I am planning to return full time to work in the fall.  I have been home with my son for 3.5 years.  As I review my options, my first option leaves me right in front of families again in Early Intervention.  I love EI and it is beautiful work.  I get to connect with mothers & families and make a meaningful impact in a few families' lives and get to know them, learn from them and grow with them.  HOWEVER, I want to have impact in many mother's lives and would like to move forward policies that would grant new moms (and dads, but especially mothers) 12+ weeks paid leave for the birth of each new children.  All research points to the best outcomes for families (infant & mothers) for the opportunity to heal, bond and adjust to becoming a family or growing a family.  The stress levels on new families is significant and plays a role in the outcome of family health.  We can do so much better.

9.  Anything else you want us to know? Please share!
We will all, at one point, be parents or have been a child, so the work of families and birth workers impacts everyone- not just a few people at a pivotal time.  My goal in pursing this dream is to remind people that I give permission to be their best when I am at my best.


Thank you, Joy, for living your dream!
If you are looking for a caring and emotionally-present doula in the Boston, MA area, you have found her.  Learn more about Joy Harper's Doula Services, Newborn Care Classes, Parent Coaching, and Early Intervention Services
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Have YOU had a dream come true? Let us hear from you and be inspired by your story...

Sunday, April 17, 2016

I quit my day job one year ago today.

I quit my day job one year ago today.

I backed out twice before.  I had known it was right to quit for about two years, but I just couldn't do it. The security, the health insurance, the retirement benefits, the emotional assurance that I would know how to pay my mortgage every month is just, um, very appealing. I worked as a Certified Therapeutic Recreation Therapist at the Salt Lake City Veterans Medical Center for 7 1/2 years. My job was to facilitate therapeutic recreational experiences for veterans struggling with physical and emotional challenges. During my time at the VA, I organized programs in kayaking, rafting, guitar lessons, judo, painting and much more... I absolutely loved my job.

I informed my supervisor in September 2014 that I was quitting.  Then several weeks later, I pretty much said, "Yeah, just kidding..."  Then I tried again to quit in January 2015.  Except then he rightly asked for a definite date of termination, which I skirted around and avoided for weeks.

Finally, it became too uncomfortable to live inside my skin.  I woke up one morning, drove to work and sat in my office chair.  

"Today's the day," I heard myself say.  I looked at the clock on the wall.  Noon.  I still had five hours to either gain confidence or avoid looking at myself in the rear view mirror on the drive home.  
I looked at the calendar.  April 17 jumped off the page like a three dimensional Pixar film.  

I thought back two weeks before.  After expressing to my friend all my fears around quitting my job, she had me stand in my living room on one side of a lit candle she centered in the middle of the rug.

"When you're ready to see what is on the other side of your fear," she smiled, "take a step over the flame."  I gave myself a good few minutes.  Then I stepped forward. 

"This one step is a symbol of your leap of faith," she spoke quietly, "Now you are on the other side.  Feel the ground below your feet.  Did the ground fall out from below you?  Did you stop breathing?"

No. 

I pressed my toes onto the steady ground. 

"You just walked one step closer to claiming what life has in store for you on the other side of your fear."

At 4:30 p.m., I walked to my supervisor's office, my letter of termination in hand.  I remember feeling the ground strong and secure under my feet in every step of the hallway. My last day will be April 17, 2015, I said, almost choking on the words.  We made a few arrangements, spoke about a couple logistics and details, and he told me how missed I would be.  I thanked him, allowing tears. I gave my heart and soul to this job. I wasn't leaving because I was miserable.  On the contrary.  I was very happy, I loved my co-workers and my veterans. I was leaving because I had to walk my talk. I was constantly encouraging my groups to be authentic, follow your heart, and.... overcome your fears. 

I walked the short distance back to my office and closed the door.
For what seemed to be an hour, I fell to the ground and hyper-ventilated.  I knew it was the right choice, but there was still room for me to be so, (so) scared. I looked at the clock on the wall once more.  4:59 p.m., just a minute away from missing this very important day to accept my heart's calling. 

It could have waited until the next day.  Or the next season.  Or after I had more of a plan, or more security.  When it's time for that leap of faith, then it's time, not a minute sooner or later. I know now that the other two attempts to quit my job were practice runs for me, absolutely necessary to prepare for spreading my wings and taking flight, one ordinary afternoon, one year ago today. 

I'm with you when it's time for you to do the same.  I'm with you when you're hyperventilating and stifling the rapid inhale/exhale sounds so no one in the hallway hears you. I'm with you when you're ready to say "just kidding" to your boss, and I'm with you when you just can't do it. I'm with you when two years goes by and you just can't do it. I'm with you when instead of being brave, you drive home over and over, unable to look yourself in the rearview mirror. (You're ok.)

It just means you're preparing for the big leap.  (Be kind to yourself that day. Celebrate each preparation step in being brave.) And then I'm with you when it's time for the big leap. You'll be on the other side, you did it.  You're still breathing.   

I look around me today as I write to you from a provincial home in the countryside of Portugal.  The room is warmed by a wood burning stove.  I will be here for a few weeks before flying to Romania. I have many questions, many unknowns, many fears, many tears.  Looking back as I celebrate my one year anniversary, I realize my reward for being brave and leaping that day is quite an ironic one.  It led me here, in this moment one year later with new scenery.  But still the call is exactly the same. I have a thousand more leaps of faith to take, stepping over the candle flame one step at a time.    


(This was taken today at the cliffs near Lagoa, Portugal, where I celebrated this significant day.)

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

The cynic in me doesn't believe a word you say.

"The cynic in me doesn't believe a word you say," he said. "Speak my language, not this airy fluff you're spouting out about dreams and beauty and living life with rainbows and unicorns.  You sound like you have no idea what reality is."

He was provoking me on purpose.

"There's real, valid reasons why people get cynical.  Their life dreams get buried under mountains of trauma, heartbreak, sorrow, laundry, bills, sick kids, and just surviving day to day. When you go around encouraging them to follow their dreams, it doesn't make them feel good.  Your message is just...painful." 

I nodded, listening, feeling a bit shaky.  I have never been interviewed quite like this before.  The sun was bright on the mountainside, just warm enough for my bare feet to explore the tufts of grass and wildflowers around me.  I closed my eyes for a moment, connecting to the sun on my face. I found two emotions ready to surface. One was rooted in love and confidence ("I'm connected to the Source of Divinity, and I know the truth I must speak"). The other in fear, which was causing the shakiness. ("Ok never mind. I have no idea what I'm talking about.")

I opened my eyes, sitting in the middle of these two emotions. I answered with a string of lackluster words, resulting in an unappealing and most unconvinced look on his face.  I closed my eyes again and exhaled deeply, determined to drain this lukewarm bath I was spouting of hot and cold. 

This is not the first time I've been confronted with the criticism that I am not connected to reality.  It will probably not be the last.  (My favorite criticism was: "Emily, you need to watch the news. That's what is real.") Walking around the world with a foundation called "The Million Kisses" and a tag line that reads "Dreams are Reality" is like being a dartboard for cynics with perfect aim. 

This man aimed right to the heart.  

In my heart's bull eye, I have never believed in something more than this... I came to earth to dream big, and to support others in doing the same. If you aren't someone I know personally and you are following my journey, it's probably either because 1) your dreams are calling you to find them. Or 2) The dreams living in your heart won't get squashed no matter how many sick kids or bills you have, and you desire support in getting through each difficult moment. (I BELIEVE IN YOU.) 

As pretty as the word DREAM is, walking your dream journey is work, it's messy, it's heartbreaking and back-breaking, and the very biggest ones ask everything of you, especially the ones that are really worth it. Oh yeah, and there's no promise that you'll ever get there. So you can dedicate your whole life to something, and then end up with nothing at the end, leaving you delirious...and cynical. Dead dreams are everywhere on the sides of every road around the world. 

I have never unleashed so many fears as I have for the past year traveling as an international musician living in a gift economy.  But I know I must sing the message that PURSUING YOUR DREAMS IS VERY IMPORTANT to everyone I can. I must embody this message until light trails out of every strand of my hair. If your dreams are gasping for air on the side of the road, I must do all I can to sing to them.  Maybe my song can give breath.
   
This man on this sunny mountain side was provoking me because he is creating a documentary about life's beauty, and he's interviewing me. 

"It's difficult for people to find beauty in mundane moments," he said. "Beauty has been buried by layers of ugliness and illusion. People will watch this film, and you are like the expert at the end. They will listen to you.  So, what do you want to say?"

It's right here where I had a choice.  More cold water, or more hot.   

I could answer from my fear. 

I would tell them that I have no idea what to say.  I'm not an expert.  I struggle every day with my fears and insecurities. I'm a white privileged middle class female American with a master's degree...I speak English, I'm young, healthy, I own property, I have no sick kids, no controlling husband, and thousands of supportive friends. I've never seen a physical war in this lifetime, I have a family who loves me.  So I pretty much have access to every benefit under the sun. My dreams actually can become my reality because of all these circumstances and much more.  So who do I think I am to go around thinking I know anything to help anyone who has actually really suffered?

Yep, that's real.

Or shall I answer from love...

I've found one deeply personal way to connect with all of humanity, no matter our circumstances in life.  Everyone has a dream. Including, and especially the cynics. Many of our most beautiful dreams are buried in excuses. This is good!  It's like cultivating soil. First we pull out our weeds. We must get the chance to see if we really believe in ourselves and the dream we are pursuing. If we really do, then one by one the weeds get pulled out...

"It's too expensive"
"I'm too old"
"I'm too tired and busy"
"My dream is too scary"
"I've already tried, and I failed."

I would ask the people watching this film to consider the opposite of every current reality they are living. 

It's too expensive.  (What am I willing to give up every month to save for it?  Cable TV, take out coffee...)
I'm too old.  (What if I researched others who started at an older age too? The truth is I'm not as young as I used to be, but I'm also not dead. What if I gave this a good, focused 3 years?)
I'm too tired. (Could I ask for help? Could I focus my energy and plan my week in three directions- family life, my job, and my dream?) 

Start small.  Live in the small choices every day. Make coffee at home for a week and save that money in a special container. These choices alone will open up a new reality.  Let yourself just consider that a life dream could still come true.  Considering it is like opening a window for fresh air. Change nothing else in the room.  Just sit in that thought enjoying the air. Keep that window open just a crack all this spring and summer. Maybe by August you can open it a tiny bit more. Give your dream TINY consistent changes for 5, 8, 10 years.  Believe in delayed gratification.  Believe in patience.  Believe the dream itself is your partner and wants to live.  And if really nothing changes in 10 years, then come back, interview me again, and tell me and all my rainbows and unicorns where we can go. You will have more evidence than ever.  

My interviewer nodded and pushed "end record" on the camera. He took off his shoes and felt the grass on his bare feet.  Softly, he picked a wildflower.


Photo Credit: Omer Schwartz






Friday, April 01, 2016

I want to understand what's so great about being human

I sat in a cafe with Omer, my travel companion for the next couple weeks through Spain.  As I enjoyed a quinoa vegetable salad, we talked about what people were meant to talk about in a small street cafe in downtown Madrid.  

Life.


I made mention to him of a conversation I had a couple days before.  A new friend of mine, who is an intuitive for a living, told me I could stand to enjoy my life a little more. She said I have remarkable gifts of inter-dimensional, cosmic, high vibrational living, and that she has never seen anyone in all her years of being an intuitive who was as connected to their highest self as I was. Yes, she said, this is all good and it serves me. But I'm still human on planet earth, and with all my gifts in my dimensional traveling through star matter, I am missing some beautiful learning in just being right here, right now.  Just fully human.

  
You'd think this would be a good message to receive. I was distraught. I wanted to defend myself and how "good" I am already at enjoying my human life. Oh man do I have ample evidence of enjoying life! I wanted to surround myself with a hundred friends who would be in an uproar at such a preposterous sentiment, and would loudly attest to my refined skills at enjoying life fully.  My competitive side was noticed, as I had the thought that out of those hundred of friends, I would call a dozen forward who would testify that I am actually the very best they know at enjoying life.  So take that.

I shared all this with Omer.


He shrugged and said, "Well, even if she's intuitive, maybe she just got it wrong about you." 


I thought about this for a minute. 


"Or maybe it bothers me so much because she got it right," I replied. 


Instead of going out into the nightlife of Madrid that night, I spent time alone and thought more about it.  For hours, just thinking.  

I talked with Life.  Have I not enjoyed you fully? Have I not seized your moments enough?  Haven't I embodied the richness of who you are?  I even had some childlike guilt come in... (Have I done something wrong?)


This morning, like a caressing hand smoothing my hair, Life answered.


"My sweetest Emily, it's nothing like that.  There's more richness I want to offer you, if you choose to receive."

More?


Life continued, "You can eat the same food, and it will become more succulent.  You'll walk the same busy sidewalks, and feel more connected to the vibrancy of humanity as you tune in to appreciate the scene.  You'll hear the very same music, and you'll feel more joy as you open yourself wide to feel every vibration."


This concept wasn't new to me, and it's not new to any who practice mindfulness or meditation. What feels new is that there are levels of enjoyment I truly have not experienced yet, with the mindful awareness I practice as the key through the door.


As my readers, you are watching me embark on adventures around the world. For me, there is a richness only experienced by the traveler.  But what Life is saying, I believe, is for all who are alive.  Whether we are traveling, or we are in the season of life where we are staying in one place, there is always an invitation to experience more joy in being alive. The ride in an elevator, and turning on a lamp.  Life breathes in and out of me the very same way when doing the dishes and answering the phone as when climbing a mountain or enjoying the clapping of an inspired audience.   


In the big dreaming I'm always talking about, when we all reach rockstar status and hit our first million, we still will be riding elevators, answering the phone and turning on lamps, even as rockstars and millionaires.  There's no where I can go and no level of success I can attain on the planet where Life won't be calling me to enjoy the rich fullness of dishes and lamps.  


So I started right there in that cafe.  I looked at my quinoa salad.  I noticed how the quinoa stuck to the side of the vegetables in little circles. I noticed the rainbow reds and greens and oranges of the vegetables stored in the glass fridge behind the counter.  I felt my jeans tight around my crossed legs. I struck a conversation with the manager of the cafe, and I made sure to look him in the eye and smile before leaving.  


I keep a dream book in my purse, a place where I write down all the things I ever want, large and small. (I, and the millionaire mentors I listen to, highly recommend having one. And use blue ink on white paper.) I was reminded in that cafe of something I wrote down in my dream book about two years ago, at a time when life was very difficult and I was very much NOT into it.  I wrote my dream as: 


"I want to understand what's so great about being human."

I am star matter, I am infinite, and I am a goddess.  And I'm about to become better than ever at just being...human. I'm a little nervous that it means I have to fail a lot, and what else...get really sick? More heartbreak so I can discover the pain of love?  Sigh. Life is just not always very friendly. No wonder I want to fly out of my body to the stars. I know how to, so I do.  Well... it looks like I get to connect heaven and earth a little more through me.  Life living in this human family promises more. Consistently more. So ok. I'm curious enough not to miss it.   





This is the painting I was looking at, appreciating and enjoying, as I wrote this blog article.



This is a flower that Omer gave to me.  I placed it on a bowl of fresh strawberries...rich flavor, sweet and nourishing.  I especially loved the bright colors together, how they softly complemented each other's simple beauty...